Feeling blessed during a time of uncertainty.
2020, the year that no one will ever forget, the year that threw us all for a loop in many different ways, some much more severe than others, but we all had one thing in common: We all have had to carry around the heaviness of the unknown as we navigate through our everyday lives. Personally, 2020 has been a whirlwind of emotions, some bad, but also some good, too. Rewinding back to the end of 2019, when everything was “normal," and we were able to make plans with excitement and optimism, rather than fear and skepticism, my husband and I were in the midst of wedding planning, and everything was falling into place...so we thought. We agreed on a venue; I found my dress, and we booked our dream honeymoon, a gorgeous escape to the Gulf of Thailand for two weeks. For us, this felt like a once-in-a-lifetime experience, and nothing was going to get in the way of that. The joke was on us. I knew that I wanted to try and get pregnant soon after the wedding, and this big trip would be our “last hoorah” before bringing a precious new life into the world.
When the pandemic charged at us full force, all of our planning blew out the window. 2020 had different plans, and we were not too sure what that meant. With everything being up in the air for months, I started to stress out and think the absolute worst: Are we going to be able to get married? Was all of our time, money, and energy wasted? Can we still go on our honeymoon? All of these questions replayed tirelessly in my brain day after day. We tried to remain as optimistic as possible, but that fear of the unknown really took a toll on us.
As we got closer and closer to our wedding date, we knew we needed to make some serious decisions. Since we were getting married in August, we were able to plan for an outdoor event with a reduced guest list. Okay, not so bad, right? We basically replanned our entire wedding within a month. Little did we know, we were in for a pretty big surprise! Two weeks before the big day, I tested positive (no, not for COVID). I found out I was pregnant! At that moment, all of the stress and fear of the unknown subsided, and the “what-ifs” melted away. Everything had fallen into place. This little blessing was sent to us for a reason. The Universe knew we needed him now more than ever.
In true 2020 fashion, my pregnancy experience hasn’t been a 100% normal one, either, but what even is “normal” anymore? Pregnancy during a pandemic means attending doctor’s appointments alone, when you thought you would have the joy of experiencing it with your (you could use partner here) husband. The first appointment was the hardest. The nerves were running through my body full speed that day as I lay down on the table while the doctor got the ultrasound machine ready. Once we confirmed there was, in fact, a little being in there, those fears melted away. “There’s the heartbeat,” the doctor said. My eyes lit up, and my heart was full. I got to Facetime my husband so he could see, but it wasn’t the same. Not having him physically there to share that moment with was surreal, especially since this is my first pregnancy, and all of these processes are brand-new to me. Although I have to attend every single appointment alone for the remainder of my pregnancy, I wouldn’t change what we have been through these last few months. I feel grateful and blessed to be able to grow this tiny human, and nothing will take these special moments away from us, not even a Global Pandemic.
So, thank you, 2020. Thank you for blessing me with everything I could have asked for, and more.